Hummingbirds: Swipe Left, Trust Me

These little tinies are the smallest migrating birds. Unlike most birds, they don’t migrate in flocks— instead they travel by themselves for up to 500 miles— talk about lone ranger. They are also the only bird that can fly backward, “take it back now y’all.”

These shimmery shake shacks have no sense of smell, just really great color vision. Before you get too excited and jump on the red dye solution train, don’t! The dye can make them sick. These babes are too shiny and happy to make sick, so don’t do it! Instead, just plant some red or orange flowers near your feeder and hope the darn deer don’t eat them. You may also need to do some weird voodoo to keep the deer away, those suckers are persistent.

Surprisingly, they are one of the most aggressive bird species. They will attack crows, hawks and other birds that infringe on their territory. If they aren’t the angriest emeralds you’ve ever seen, then I don’t know where you buy your gemstones. I guess eating two times your body weight in sugar every day doesn’t make you sweet. It might also be that they are super swole. These birdies have some large and broad pectoral muscles, anywhere from 25-30% of their body weight, for flying purposes.

#swole

A flock of hummingbirds has a variety of names, all of which are way better than dolphins being named after cows. What do you call it then? Glad you asked! They are called bouquet—a glittering, a hover, a shimmer, or a tune.

You probably already know this, but their tiny little hearts beat 1,200 bpm compared to our 60-100. Heartthrob anyone? Also! Their feet have evolved to be super tiny. They can only be used for perching and sliding from side to side—cha cha cha. I bet these glittering jitterbugs could slide into your DM’s so smooth and fast you wouldn’t even know what hit you. So I guess you should stay away from them on dating apps. They have a temper anyway.

So, now that you know not to date them and that they are probably in better shape than you, I would like to let you know that they actually have a forked tongue to lick up nectar. They are basically flying snakes that are non-threatening and extra shiny.

#bedazzeled